TapRoot Manuscript

Fri, 26 Jun 2009 10:59:26 GMT

There are many metaphors for life, but no substitutes.

Imagine.

Tue, 24 Jul 2007 11:59:58 GMT

The Universe is vast,
and I am small. Yet, it
always seems to have a
place for me, no matter
where I am within it.

That gives both strength and comfort.

Self Explanetory

Sat, 21 Apr 2007 10:37:42 GMT

Small bright flowers show
newborn faces to the sun.
Spring has come at last.

St. Valentine

Wed, 14 Feb 2007 18:29:03 GMT

I can't think of anybody
who I love more today than
I did yesterday.
I can't think of anybody
who I love more today than
I will tomorrow.

Go figure.

Now

Wed, 24 Jan 2007 11:13:29 GMT

Warm fire and hot cider
Friends and loved ones to share them
soften Winter's sting.

Pursuing Helios

Fri, 29 Dec 2006 12:41:14 GMT

It was a lot of years ago in mid-summer on an evening flight to Denver.
We were lined up on the runway, ready to take off into a beautiful sunset.
As we gained altitude, flying west, the sunset grew in both scope and perspective until
it seemed that all there was in the world was that aircraft and the sunset sky.
That sunset lasted the entire flight and when we landed there was still the
afterglow in the sky.

The year that Mt. St.Helens erupted, untold tons of ash were ejected into the atmosphere
and for a year, West Coast sunsets were spectacular. I know that because I photographed most of them.

I was living in the Simi Valley in California. There was a range of mountains to the east and the coastal mountains to the west. In late summer, a spectacular thing would occur every late evening.
The sun would dip down below the western range and the eastern face of that range would fall into deep shadow while the sky above that range would be layered in in oranges, pinks, a touch of yellow and deep purples. the range to the east would be in descending degrees of shadow from light to deep. The bowl of the sky above this valley would shade from pinks and purples, to deepest midnight blue directly overhead with velvety black encroaching from the east. It was so much more than just beautiful. There was an actual moment, while color still rimmed the coastal range, that the brightest stars would begin to appear in the east. I would watch for that moment and then stand staring up as the darkness deepened and more stars appeared.
Though I have watched this hundreds of times, I've never known how long it took to go from sunset to night.
I just called it the Blue Hour.

The sun may indeed be just a carcinogenic ball of fire, but framed in the right setting it is a spectacular one. Nature has many aspects ranging from benign to unimaginably destructive. but whatever she is, she is also a poet.

Bobby McGee

Sun, 05 Nov 2006 15:51:37 GMT

"Freedom's just another word for nothing left to loose".

To be offered unconditional freedom when unconditional
freedom is not what is desired simply turns that Freedom
into a different kind of restriction, or perhaps better,
obstruction. This is what came out for me in a recent
conversation with a friend.

My friend then talked about freedom within boundaries
and I amended that to freedom within agreeable boundaries,
but now I must amend it again to freedom within acceptable
boundaries. That just seems to feel more right, to be
more right.

This was an interrupted conversation and I seem to have
many of those. The dialog will continue though. But from this
little bit, I seemed to have learned alot and to have grown a
little.

None of us is ever complete and we seem to be destined to relearn
each lesson because it recurres within a different context. That
seems the evolutionary path of the Spirit.

It is good to have friends who can be wise at times when I cannot.

Writing

Mon, 30 Oct 2006 14:39:00 GMT

I created this lj identity for two reasons. The first was that I wanted an lj with a smaller, more selective friends list and second, because I wanted to have a place where I could do some serious writing.
Well, the serious writing never really happened because the guy who strings words together has not been motivated to do so for awhile now. My muse has not been answering calls and I am tired of leaving call me messages. There have been times like this before and I'm sure that there will be times like this again.
Recently though, I have been feeling the urge to start writing again, and that urge is becoming more insistant. I think that I am about ready, but now that I am, I'm not certain that lj is the place that I want to do it.
Therefore, I am making an appeal. Can anyone suggest a better forum for this? I did consider a "MySpace" forum but have largly avoided doing that because everyone seems to be on that particular bandwagon. Perhaps that is not a good reason and I should reconsider. I enjoy writing, and enjoy having my writing critiqued in terms of style and content. I have 63 years worth of things that I want to write about as well, and want to share that with people who think and act and feel. It's not so much that I think what I have to write is so important, but rather it is important that I say it, and say it in a place that that has the potential to generate dialog and discussion.
Lj is fine, and I don't want abandon it, but it seems that it's major value to me is in keeping up with the lives and thoughts of people whom I know and care about.
Any thoughts about this will be appreciated.

A note to Self and Others.

Thu, 07 Sep 2006 18:22:05 GMT

This is a note written primarily to myself,
but also for a few others whom I know have
experienced a load of "challenges" this year.

From time to time, things happen that create problems
and negatively impact our lives. This is true for all.
We experience a "run of bad luck" and it becomes easy
to expect more of the same.

Bad, bad rut to get in to, and hard to get out of.

Sometimes it just simply is what it is.
Sometimes it is what we make it.

The first thing to do when avoiding the BUS that's trying
to run you down, is to drop whatever baggage you are carrying.
You'd be suprised at how much more quickly, nimbly, creatively
you can move without the extra weight.

It's OK to do this. You can always go back later and pick
it up again if that's what you need to do. But if you do,
don't be suprised if it feels a bit lighter than it did
before you dropped it.

Sleep deep and Dream well.

Nothing

Tue, 29 Aug 2006 11:17:53 GMT

It has been interesting, especially last weekend.
It has also been good.

I frequently have times of peace, quiet and a
general contentment with my life. I need those
moments.

I awoke this morning feeling just that,but yet diffent
than usual My body feels good, my mind is relatively still
and my heart is light.

The internal dialog has become a quiet murmmer.

My sense of all of this is that I have, for now,
said what I've had to say and done what I've had to do
and for a time I can just sit back and enjoy my life
and the people who fill it.

Perhaps I can even sleep as late as six o'clock a few times.

So Many Roads

Sat, 26 Aug 2006 11:34:39 GMT

Woke up way too early again this morning, but I am awake so what the hell.

For some reason, the house seemed way too quiet so I turned to my hard drive for a little music (currently 11K+ tracks) and selected the Dead's So Many Roads Retospective Anthology. As I sit here listening, I am once again amazed at how very much of this music marks significant moments, turning points and rights of passage in my life. This retrospective collection covers 35 years of Dead music/shows/tours, but of equal significance to me, acts as "que cards" to 35 years of my life.
It is sometime useful to have an obsession.

By "So Many Roads" have I come to this point in my life, but by no means am I ready to record a retrospective anthology of my life and I may never be. I am much more interested in living today as fully as I can and in the eager anticipation of tomorrow and what it may bring. My life is filled with wonderful people, plenty of interesting things to do, new games to play (games that are worth playing) and I am blessed with an eclectic curiosity that allows me to "play my life" in as many variations as the Dead can play Eyes of the World or Estimated Prophet.
It is sometimes useful to have an imagination.

My children (whom I love with all my heart) are grown although still quite expensive (it's cool guys, that's what it's there for) and I now have all the space I need both in the physical and psychological sense but they still bring both immeasurable JOY and intense GROANS to my life and keep it filled with love and challenges and help me stay young and engaged. (They also seem to provide the material for runon sentences)
It is sometimes useful to have children.

This past year, my life has brought from deep, and perhaps also recent, past, a very significant other. This has happened in slow and sometimes difficult stages, but so worth waiting for. We have so much to share, so much to do and so much to add to life and it's living.
It is sometimes useful to stop looking for things and to relax and see what gifts life brings to you.
It is also sometimes wonderful.

My life is still the curious mixture of Light and Darkness that it has always been and I still have to deal with it all. But, I can still choose which part I want to live in.
It is sometimes useful to have choices.

BTW! I am almost never bored and never lonely, even when alone.
Perhaps that is because I find so many things useful.

Today

Tue, 15 Aug 2006 16:25:07 GMT

It was a very slow and good morning.
It was also a quiet one once I got the
noise inside my head turned off.

It was a time for reflection, refocusing
and recentering; A time for finding that
quiet place inside.

I need to take the time for this more often.

Working out well

Sun, 13 Aug 2006 11:59:27 GMT

It's working out rather well,
just being Traveler.

That's probably a good thing
cuz I really don't know how
to be anyone else. I really
don't want to be.

I'm a bit changed because my
life is a bit changed (or maybe
it's the other way around) but
that's just fine. I would hope to
grow right up to my last breath.

My appreciation for the wonderful
people who have been in my life and
who have come into my life, knows
no bounds.

And then there are those who have
been here before, are here now and
will be again in some near or distant future.

It's all a gift which I accept with gratitude
and embrace with all that Traveler is.

It's not always Sunshine and light by any means.
I do get angry; I do get unreasonable and I do
get stupid. I do sometimes flaunt my flaws as
if they were virtues. But that's not a place
that I enjoy to be in, so I try not to go there
often.

Pace

Thu, 10 Aug 2006 15:10:32 GMT

RunningRushing Waiting.
Things to do.
Things to avoid doing.

Quiet and noise in contention.

Day to day sometimes seems
to fragment me in elements
of living a life with elements
beyond my control.

But then, those times when all
my various pieces wind up for a
time in the same place. This
sometimes happens when I am alone
or when I am with a certain very
special friend with whom I can be
both together and alone.

These moments more than make up
for all the rest and I am happy.

Kaleidescope

Sun, 30 Jul 2006 12:39:39 GMT

As a kid, I was fascinated by the kaleidescope..
I could sit for hours turning the tube and watching
the seemingly endless patterns of shape and color
move past my eye. For me, it was Majikal.
When I got a little older, I carefull took it
apart. I saw that the Majik was was accomplished
with prisms and mirrors and little bits of colored
glass.
I then put it back together again. It still worked
and it was still Majikal. The only difference was
that I knew a little more about how the Majik works.

In a couple of months, others will be celebrating
while I am ignoring, my 63rd birthday. I'm going
to permit myself a little latitude in chronology,
and record the dot zipfile for the first 63 years
of my life.

I have taken my life and it's elements apart and
put it all back together many times. I know a
little bit more about how it works,but........

it still works and it's still all Majikal.

Traveler

Sleep deep and Dream well

Strange, but.................................................

Tue, 18 Jul 2006 19:45:35 GMT

By the time you realize something
is going to be difficult, you've
already gotten past the most difficult
part.

A Moment for real.

Fri, 30 Jun 2006 15:06:08 GMT

OK! It's Friday and I'm sitting here at work but have no real interest in being here. A lot of thoughts are running through my head and I am in a strange place. I have to stop and listen.

The last three years have been difficult
in many ways and yet have taught me so much
about my life, my way of being in the world.

I have relearned the lessons,
Desire
Expectations
Acceptance
Giving it all back.

I have done my best to

Accept my losses with some dignity
Accept my gains with some humility
Find a way to express my gratitude for what i have been given, in the real world.

Some days I have done better with this than on other days.

My inward life has gone through some
changes in the past year and most
particularly in the last six moths.
I am aware of the inward changes but
not yet certain how that has expressed
itself on the outward side.

Throughout this all, I have tried to
stop reaching for.... and to sit back
allow my life to give me what it will.
In essence, to trust my life.

The net result of that, as I realize it today,
is that I am in a very good place, perhaps a place
that I never expected to be again at this point in
my life. I have my struggles still, but life is good.

Some of you have accused me of Wisdom in the past,
an accusation which I vehemently deny not only with
words but also with the idiotic nature of some of those
things I do. Just a run o' the mill idiot trying to get
through one day to the next.

But a very blessed and fortunate idiot.

Sleep deep and Dream well.

Observation

Wed, 21 Jun 2006 16:09:20 GMT

Believeing in EVERYTHING
seems to carry the same penalties
as believeing in NOTHING.

But it gives life to HOPE.

A touch Emo!

Mon, 19 Jun 2006 15:04:08 GMT

The happy thing about going to visit a LOVED ONE is the hello and first hug.
The sad thing is the bye for awhile and the goodbye hug.

Seems like you can't have one without the other.

Have had much time with Em in the last year, part of that owing to C1
and his suprise. Thanks again Chris.

More time with Em coming up soon again. (YAY!)

Kendall and Em.

My happiest moments in life are when I can put an arm around both of them.
They can do a laughter duet that gets my Emee award every year.

Stll, it will be good to get home.

Sun, 18 Jun 2006 14:54:47 GMT

Today is gonna be a good day.

Random Stuff

Fri, 09 Jun 2006 08:29:34 GMT

The only thing that can defeat
the inquiring mind is
the unasked question.

MapQuest indicates that
you will be unable to find Love
without first providing the zipcode.
WTF?

The truest measure of being loved
is another's willingness to take a
commercial flight to be with you.

Thinking outside of the envelope sometimes
results in paper cuts.

Wisdom is the compensation
for the loss of feeling smart.

YUP!

Sun, 28 May 2006 23:53:35 GMT

All in all, this is shaping up to be a very good weekend!

Happy Birthday!

Tue, 23 May 2006 10:43:12 GMT

A most Happy Birthday to my dear daughter songs_of_winter
I treasure each moment that I have had with you. Some of them made me
laugh; Some of them made me cry; All of them made me proud to be your Dad.
I love you beyond measure. Have a Happy Birthday Angel.

Thu, 18 May 2006 09:15:31 GMT

Against sound advice
I woke a sleeping Dragon.
Had lost my lighter.

Brrrrrrrrrrr!

Fri, 12 May 2006 18:28:04 GMT

Holding back the warmth
Endless season winter-spring
outstays it's welcome